Loneliness is a word that may sound daunting. It evokes a myriad of intermingled feelings. It is dark, as shallow as deep as it can get.
Have you ever truly known that intense feeling? Have you ever thought of fully embracing it? It may appear in different shapes, at various times, often unannounced. Sometimes it can be the growing hole in your chest when you suddenly wake up in the midst of the night. During other moments, it can be the heavy weight that unexpectedly reaches your shoulders while you’re quietly conversing with your friends. It can be drawn, as well, from the seemingly scathing looks of strangers in the streets. It emerges in a wide range of shapes, experiences. It is unique and personal. It, nevertheless, comes only in one shade, a bleak color: black.
Whether you find it in a crowded room or lying by yourself on your bed at three in the morning, loneliness is gloomy. It brings a dozen of diverse emotions all together — oftentimes for the worst. It ignites deeper feelings such as numbness and emptiness. However shallow these latter might seem, they are in fact incredibly deep. There are all very heavy to carry in one’s heart. Loneliness is heavy, in spite of the lightness it is the reflection of. It does not even have to be the result of a breakdown. It can spring up from the most joyful moments.
I was lonely back in the day when I did not have any friends. Rightfully so, I was feeling alone and isolated. Still, after a number of years and experiences, I keep on feeling that way. It happens out of the blue. It’s a sense of not belonging deep-rooted within me.
So, is there really a way to fathom it out?
Perhaps it is something that some of us can never break free from. We’re a small portion of individuals doomed to feel this way forever. It may be a result of our overdeveloped sensibility. I believe it is a very unique, momentous epiphany. It is a sign of our very own oneness. It is a part of us. And maybe, there is nothing to be ashamed of. For our inevitable loneliness is not something to confront or flee from, but it is greater than that. It will ignite our senses, inspire us to write, draw, indulge ourselves in a new project.
Embracing the loneliness which we ultimately cannot escape from will make us feel whole within the void we experience.
Society keeps trying to remind us that there are ways to cure it — avoid social media, quit your steady job. What if we actually taught people that it is okay to feel lonely? That it is okay to be different? That it might be in our condition? And what if the people we love ceased to try to change our perception of the world? For if we stumble across those feelings of melancholy, there might well be a reason behind it. It’s in our eyes, in our mind, in our heart. There is no reason to hide. Why shall we pretend, fake it till we make it, as they say, act as if it wasn’t who we truly are?
Sometimes, I will sense a growing feeling of sadness within me. It may not be easily intelligible for you sitting right across me. I will feel alone for a moment. I need to feel it. Perhaps, I will not voice it so that I can fully experience it. Nonetheless, if I do, I’ll just need you to accept it. To accept my truth without trying to change it, however much goodwill it comes from. I need you to say it’s fine, and let me be. For a moment, I need to feel alone. And when I’ll be able to thrive in your company, I will feel evermore grateful for it — for I have known these dark feelings before. I become at peace with it. Maybe, sometimes loneliness can simply be painfully beautiful.
No matter the loving words you want to utter, please do not try to change my reality.
PS: Would you mind taking a minute to take this quick survey?